Self-Injury...part 2

Self-injury reduces physiological and psychological tension rapidly. Studies have suggested that when people who self-injure get emotionally overwhelmed the act of self-harm brings their levels of psychological and physiological tension and arousal back to a bearable baseline level almost immediately. In other words, they feel a strong uncomfortable emotion, don’t know how to handle it and know that hurting themselves will reduce the emotional discomfort extremely quickly. This explains why self-injury can be so addictive: IT WORKS!!!!! Eventually, though, the negative consequences add up.

Many people who self-injure keep it a secrete because they feel like they are crazy, insane and /or evil. They fear if they tell anyone, they might be locked away forever. The truth is, people who intentionally harm themselves are in fact very normal and sane people, who are in allot of emotional pain. They self-injure as a way to cope, because they were probably never taught how to deal with intense feelings and emotions in healthy ways. Unfortunately, when people hear about this form of self-harm, they do tend to place labels on these people as being psychotic and crazy, which is why so many people do not come forward and ask for help. Until society dispels all the myths surrounding self-injury and start to educate themselves on this subject, sufferers will continue to keep quiet and this form of abuse will continue to be a secrete for a long time to come.

I have been self-abusing for many, many years in many different ways. I was never allowed to express negative emotions in my home growing up and when I did I was punished through being grounded, being told that I was a bad person or even heavy handed spanking. This form of punishment for vocalizing my emotions has followed me through most of my adult life, through verbal and physical abusive relationships with men as well as my friends.

When facing an extreme negative situation, not knowing how to handle it, I would turn to self-abuse. As a child, I would make myself physically ill, or scratch at my skin until it bled. As I got older, I would beat on myself until I had black and blue marks, I would cut my skin until there was blood, I have also burned objects into my flesh and I also binge eat to fill the voids in my
heart.

There are many different reasons that a person self-injurers, but for me most of the time it is because I felt as though I had been such a bad person and had made such horrible choices that I must pay the price, I must be punished. That is what has been programmed into my mind for many years. On occasion, I needed to feel alive or feel something other than the overwhelming hurt that I was drowning in.

I still struggle with the urges of cutting in an intense moment for it is an addiction and still fight with other self-injury mechanisms almost on a daily basis, but as I am learning who I am in Christ it is getting better! One of the very first Bible verses that I understood was: Isaiah 53:5, He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon Him; and with His stripes we are healed. Some days this is a reality, but there are still allot of days I have to dig for that mustard seed faith to stand on this promise. Some days I make it through and others days, as I am only human, I slip up and break down to the urges of self-injury. As I learn new healthy copping mechanisms and learn to fully trust God’s love, I believe that these urges will soon enough be behind me and I will finally have a victorious win all in the name of Jesus Christ and only for His glory!