Self-Injury...part 3

Self-injury has been around for centuries but not until Princess Diana mentioned “hurting herself” in that now famous panorama interview, self injury has slowly become a topic of media interest.

However, this is far from an accurate portrayal of people who self-injure. The first thing to take into consideration is that self-injury is not usually the problem. It is a way for the person to deal with an underline issue. Several studies have found that approximately 4% of the general population admitted having self-injured. It is more common in people who have severe symptoms of anxiety or depression. Other personality characteristics common to self-injury include inability to handle or express emotions, perfectionism, severe mood swings and low self-esteem or poor body image. Misconceptions and an inability to understand often leave friends and family of the person not knowing how to deal with the problem.

This might sound like typical struggles that we all face from time to time, but when a person lacks healthy coping skills and relationships, he or she may resort to destructive behavior, seeing it as the only way to cope.

If you know someone who is a self-abuser, here are a few tips on how you can help: don’t treat them any different than anyone else you know. Remember they are in allot of emotional pain. Above all, the self-abuser needs support, listening, caring and positive affirmation. Criticism, blame, heavy-handed use of the word “sin”, fear or anger will push the sufferer deeper into the feelings they cannot deal with, and will further damage their sense of self-esteem.

It can be very tempting to initially listen to someone sharing about their self-abuse problem, and then immediately “jump-in” feeling we have the answer, or a word of scripture, or to stop listening and launch into prayer. Very often, self-injury is a response to not being listened to, either in the present or the past. One of the most effective ways of helping someone willing to deal with their self-abuse is to simply listen. For someone who is struggling with self-abuse, and the feelings of guilt and shame which very often accompany it, even prayer can feel threatening. They may feel too unworthy to even approach God, and in such a situation patience and sensitivity is needed.

If you are a self-abuser or are even thinking about it, I urge you to muster up the courage to find someone you feel safe with and trust and open up and start talking about it. There are people who have walked in these shoes and share your hurts and truly understand where you are.